When planning a family, two things are often crucial for parents when it comes to how big the age difference should be between the children. On the one hand, the children should understand each other as well as possible, be able to play with each other and support each other. On the other hand, parents don't want to make things unnecessarily difficult or complicated.
Depending on your lifestyle, some tend to have their children at short intervals and others are convinced that a larger age difference is better.
Whether siblings really get along well in the end is of course not just a question of the age difference, but also depends on the different characters.
But assuming that the age of the children does play a big role in whether and how well they get along: is it better if they are born in quick succession or is a larger age difference between siblings better?
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This is what medicine says about the age gap between siblings
Pregnancy is a big strain on the woman's body. That's why medicine recommends waiting at least 12, and preferably even 24, months after giving birth before becoming pregnant again.
This means that gynecologists recommend an age gap of at least two or three years between siblings. However, the recommendation is less about ensuring that the siblings get along so well or that there is always peace in the family, but rather about ensuring the health of mother and child as best as possible.
DieWHOAlready in 2005, the recommendation was made to wait 24 months or more after a birth before becoming pregnant again. The reason for this was studies carried out in emerging countries that showed an increased risk for the unborn child if the interval between two pregnancies was less than 18 months.
A research team with scientists from Australia, Finland, Norway and the USA also examined how the length of time between two pregnancies affects the risk of premature births, spontaneous preterm births and birth defects. They looked at a total of data from over 5.5 million births from 3.8 million mothers in Australia, Finland, Norway and the United States and concluded that a one- to two-year wait between pregnancies was best.
However, another pregnancy just a few months after giving birth has a negative impact on the pregnancy. This particularly increases the risk of premature births, miscarriages and birth defects.
Developmental psychologists who professionally deal with interpersonal issues recommend an age gap of three years between siblings. Then the children are far enough apart from each other so that they don't have to constantly compete with each other. And yet close enough to each other to have the same interests and hobbies, the same circle of friends and later the same daycare or school.
Not all couples have the choice
So much for the theory. Parents don't always have the choice about how far apart they have their children. Couples over 35 in particular should not waste too much time planning their family. From this age onwards, a woman's fertility declines sharply. Sometimes it can simply take longer to get pregnant again, regardless of the age of the mother or father.
Fortunately, both a small and a large age difference between siblings have their advantages and disadvantages.
Advantages and disadvantages of a small age difference
The basic idea of many parents is that the smaller the age gap between children, the better they understand each other. Of course that can work. But there is no guarantee for this.
The amount of work that two small children require should not be underestimated. The first three years are particularly stressful. Lack of sleep, changing diapers, feeding, carrying around, phases of defiance, tantrums, these can really drain the parents' strength.
Of course, the time afterward is a contradiction to this. Ultimately, children become more independent as they get older. If they reach this age around the same time, mom and dad will sooner have more time for themselves, each other and the job.
A small age gap can be financially stressful. Strollers, child seats, high chairs, baby beds – everything has to be bought twice if the children are very close to each other. The tussle for the parents' favor is also greater for children who are roughly the same age.
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Advantages and disadvantages of a large age difference
If the gap between the first and second child is at least three years, this has several advantages. On the one hand, the older sibling understands better that there is now another child. The competitive spirit is not that great. In addition, the older child is often already in care or already at school. The parents have enough time for child number two, especially in the first few months.
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The little siblings also copy a lot from their older ones. Running, talking, playing, the older child shows them all of this directly. The costs for initial baby equipment are also lower if the siblings are further apart. Because essential things like strollers, car seats or high chairs are already there and freely available. The older sibling's baby clothes can also be easily applied.
However, a larger distance also has disadvantages. It may be that at a certain age the children's interests are so far apart that they only seem to argue. Older children in particular react with annoyance when the younger ones want to follow them everywhere and at all times. However, the emphasis is on can, because it doesn't have to happen that way.
Sources:
WHOReport (PDF)
Gynecologists online
Conclusion: The perfect age difference
There is no perfect sibling age gap that works in all families. And anyway, there is no family in which siblings don't sometimes argue. In fact, it's part of it that they tease each other and argue, have differences of opinion and make up again.
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Ideally, they grow up together and continue to be a good team in adulthood. However, it's not just the age difference that has an influence, but also their individual character, upbringing and much more.
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