The idea of performing not only as an educator, but also as a buddy and confidante of his child, sounds tempting, especially in the, in which children and adolescents are becoming more and more confident and more independent.
But is it really advisable to take on the role of the best friend as a parents? In films or series like the Gilmore Girls, we are shown that most works. Or are there possibly important reasons why this could be more problematic?
Why is it for themIn fact, it makes more sense to have clear limits and why parental responsibility should not be shaped into a mere friendship, you read with us.
Parents should be leaders
The most important role that parents play in the development of their children is that of the leading figure. Children need clear orientation,And reliable structures.
You have to learn to take responsibility, make decisions and to deal with conflicts. These tasks are not just a question of, but also important for later life.
When parents try to present themselves as the best friend, these limits often blur. Instead of appearing as authority persons who support the child and also corrects if necessary, they can slide into the role of an equivalent, less specific partner.
On the one hand, this can cause children to no longer raise the necessary respect for parental instructions or decisions. In addition, you may lose the feeling of where your own limits end and that of the parents begin.
And at some point the parents play their parents' card, grab and strike a harsh tone, this can lead to the broken trust with the child. In doubt, that cannot understand why the otherwise so 'cool and chilled' parents suddenly freak out.
It is therefore important that children learn from their parents that there are different types of relationships: the parental relationship is based on respect, care and leadership, while friendships are based on equivalence.
Parents who mix their educational task too much with a friendship may unconsciously jeopardize their children's trust.
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Parents must be the adults
If parents try to take on the role of a friend, the actually clear emotional roles blur their parents and children. This can cause children to perceive their parents as less grown up and less competently.
Parents should therefore not only appear as confidants, but also as competent leaders. This means that a child trusts his parents because it has stress with friends or problems at school, then it usually looks for help. It might want to be encouraged or that the parents actively intervene and help them.
In such a situation, if the parents have become too friendly in a friendly role, they could give the impression that their ability to objectively assess difficult situations is impaired. And that can lead to a lack of trust on the part of the child.
Children need the clear separation between caring parents and a friendship. This is the only way you can gain the necessary distance to keep a healthy and respectful relationship with your parents.
Parents should be role models
Parents have the task of teaching the child how to find their way around the world, how to take responsibility and how to are sincere and respectful in relationships. Children need parents who appear as role models in all areas of life and this also includes that parents remain authentic.
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If parents slip too much into the role of friend, this can lead to losing their authenticity. Instead of showing themselves as reliable, clear leaders, they try to please the child or share the same interests just to achieve a closer bond.
However, children notice very quickly when their parents are no longer themselves. You could even get the feeling that you can manipulate you to enforce certain things. This dynamic can become problematic in the later development of the child.
However, children and adolescents need orientation and limits to develop their own identity independently to their parents.
Parents and children need emotional distance
Children and adolescents have to learn to solve conflicts without parental interference. They must have the space to develop friendships and their own ties based on equality and mutual respect.
Parents who present themselves as best friends can hinder this development because they too often intervene in the child's personal affairs or interfere as part of social relationships.
This can not only affect the child's independence, but also the privacy and the space that the child needs to have their own experience.
If, on the other hand, parents appear as a firm, reliable anchor in their child's life, this offers the necessary support, which is particularly valuable in difficult times. The emotional distance from the parents enables the child to become independent of the expectations and wishes of the parents and to gain their own experiences.
A friendship between parents and child becomes similarly complicated when the parents share their (adult) problems with the child. This can cause the child to feel responsible for the parents, their problems and worries. A task that cannot be caught.
This is also why it is important to maintain a certain emotional distance to the child. Instead of looking for friendship with the child, parents should give him adult friendships and show that there are also important confidants outside the family.
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Trust is the a and o
Preserving emotional distance does not mean that parents and children cannot have a close, trusting relationship. Proximity, love and understanding are particularly important in puberty and adolescence in order to meet the child's emotional needs.
But this closeness must be maintained in the right way. Parents can very well appear as a familiar interlocutor who laugh with their child, cry and exchange ideas, but always in the role of paternal or maternal support and not as a friend.
It's not about patronizing the child, but theto maintain. Parents must present themselves as a reliable contact person and caregivers who support their children in developing their personality without blurring their limits or their authority.
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