Strategic incompetence: What helps if the partner intentionally stands stupid

Behind the expression "strategic incompetence" is a behavior that is probably very well known to many: the partner is intentionally stupid to avoid an unpleasant task.

Come on sentences like "Can you do the laundry? I don't want to go wrong ... "or" Can you put on the child? Are you much better known there? And because you don't feel like long discussions, you often react by saying: "Well, I do it myself" - simply because it is faster than explaining everything. But of course that is a mistake in the long run.

The phenomenon of pressing yourself against an uncomfortable task in which you pretend that you cannot do it or only poorly is called strategic incompetence. In the end, the goal is to make something so bad or to face it until you are no longer asked for it.

Many may be able to find themselves in it. Instead of asking the partner to ask something, you prefer to do it yourself.

The term “Weaponized Incompetence” in 2007 was used for the first time in an article of theWall Street Journals- But even if the article is already older, the phenomenon in itself is brand new.

There is one on TikkokViral Video, in which a woman writes a shopping list for her husband - although writing it doesn't quite hit. She printed out a photo of every product and food and glued her husband onto a sheet of paper. So that he really gets the right things.

While some have to smile in the comments that the man apparently only manages to shop with this very detailed instructions, others do not find the behavior funny. Because through the many additional time and work that the woman put into the list, the help of the man is basically anything but helpful. Frustration is inevitable.

Also interesting:

Not everyone has to be able to do anything in a relationship. It is quite normal to have strengths and weaknesses, like to want to do something or not so much.

In the case of strategic incompetence, however, the person is not even trying to learn the thing he or she supposedly does not know. Quite the opposite. She explains that it takes more time to explain something. Or is so bad when completing that the other person will no longer ask the next time. So successful screwing.

Nobody should surprise that such behavior can be a real relationship killer. Here are a few tips on how to proceed.

Nobody wants to be assigned the role of the naggers. That is why you often save the discussion about annoying topics such as household and Co. If something is supposed to change, you have to openly explain how you feel and that it cannot go on like this.

Important: it should not be allocated. Stay with you. How do you feel? What does the situation do with you?

Go through the lists together and redistribute the everyday tasks. Very important: you should no longer remember your partner*in afterwards. That would be just another job on your list.

Tipp:Take a afternoon together to go through every point, maybe even set daily memories on his or your cell phone. Also clarifies open questions so that excuses of the past belong.